things that make you an ENORMOUS asshole

[likeawoman]

-pretending to be multiracial
-pretending to be native american
-pretending to be an abuse survivor
-pretending to be a foster child
-pretending to be transracially adopted into a black family
-pretending to grow up in South Central LA
-pretending to be a Blood
-pretending to be a former drug runner and cooker of crack rock for the Bloods
-pretending to own a gun at 13
-pretending to know a gangster whose street name is actually "OG Homie" and generally abusing AAVE cause you're apparently even too ignorant to do some fucking research or so much as scope out an episode of the Wire before you make shit up
-pretending to have magical cornbread and blackeye pea cooking abilities because you're so fucking down
-pretending to have a totally ghetto tattoo of a crying pitbull on your back in memory of your homie on death row because you're so fucking down
-pretending that you are so fucking down, in fact, that your white baby was the result of your first encounter with a white man and that giving birth was the first time you ever actually saw a white baby
-pretending that you triumphed over all of this and completed college to successfully breed pitbulls for gangsters like yourself and then writing a memoir of your triumph
-implicating your child, family, and most perplexingly, your actual, real life friends of color, in this hot mess


and, finally:
-pretending that there's somehow an excuse that would make this okay and claiming that the stories are merely the stories of friends whose voices are ignored because they're not so precious and white and female, like yourself,  but only after your sister does the sane thing and ratted your dumb ass out

and all of this without the trauma of WWII and Nazi invasion to spark your creative furvor.

way to take it to the limit, super dumbass. Margaret Seltzer (nee Jones), you are a real American hero of entitlement and ignorance. I hope you get hit by a truck full of your own recalled books. 

Comments

[busted-english.livejournal.com]

Will you buy the book that I'm writing? It's about my life, but I'm gonna use my husband to sell it. Here's how I came up with it:

"I mean I was actually raised in the projects, around bloods, I even know the lingo, and I can even do the B-walk (recognize).. maybe I could use Joga as the face to sell my book. I'm thinking of calling it, "I Reject the Projects: One White Man's Tale About The Courage To Achieve Where Blacks Fail" (the rhyming is for hood credibility)."

I even kicked it big ups with gang members. One of my friends carved her initials in a rival gang member's face. I knew and was semi-groomed by a pimp, and I actually sold drugs and know how to cook rocks. I didn't sell crack rock that wasn't my forte (much too cheap), I sold E, 25 a pill. That's until those 10 year minimums for only carrying 4 of them. But I've been a pretty interesting individual and with a white man as the person telling the story, how can I lose?

[crafting-change.livejournal.com]

I just read this story, and actually thought it would make an excellent feminist post.

[silk-noir.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is horrible, but also I am biting my lip here at work to keep from guffawing, esp. about the cornbread and black-eyed pea mojo.

[capsicumanuum.livejournal.com]

I hadn't seen that picture before. God. The baggy pants and hoodie and bigass dog sitting right next to a lil white girl in fucking Mary Janes. Mary Janes!

::dies::

(btw, I hope you don't mind that I came over here. I keep seing your comments in various places and was curious. Also, procrastinating)

THE HATE

[i-dreamed-i-was.livejournal.com]

IT BURNS

[dharmacrat.livejournal.com]

Just because she's not from the projects doesn't mean she can write million dollar checks.

I'm sorry. The moment I read OG Homie all I could think of was Average Homeboy.

[olympiasepiriot.livejournal.com]

Gah. I only just realized that the post on feminist was a cross-post. My apologies for putting my reaction in your intro/post-here piece at the top.

I liked the thread, by the way. I went to it from dot_race_snark.

[sugar-spun.livejournal.com]

No. I won't read it. The day is too short for rage before breakfast.

Besides, your summary is enough. I'm already twitching a bit.

[maerhys.livejournal.com]

Feel the hate radiate from me. I mean, culturally appropriating... gah!!!! This is why we got card-checks all over the damned place.

And as a light skinnded WOC I am pretty good at spottin' another LSWOC and that woman as is white as the day is long.

[hiphopdiary.livejournal.com]

i read the article that was in the "gardens and homes" section first, then the review. the first red flag i saw when i read the "gardens and homes" article was the fact that she won a scholarship to university in oregon, but no mention was made about what kind of student she was in high school. usually when someone battles her way out of a crap environment she's proud to describe how she managed to stay focused on her studies, or whatever means of applying her intelligence. not some blanket, "she got a gun at age 13, bought a burial plot when she started selling drugs, and applied for a college scholarship on the advice of her h.s. guidance counselor." that was too random for me.

she just seems so assholey and losery for doing this and i'm really tired of the virtual non-existence of journalistic standards. seriously, i constantly send letters to the ny times corrections department about all the tons of spelling, grammar and factual errors i find in their pieces. it's really sad.

[chrisswiss83.livejournal.com]

Fucking hilarious. I needed a good laugh. Thank you for this.